The denial of your own underworld

A few years ago perhaps I would have started this line with “I guess it’s crazy to most people that I’ve been thinking that I’ve been on a hitlist”, but sadly there’s no guessing anymore. And if you say it, well, yes, most people are gonna think that you’re crazy.

Call me a paranoid schizophrenic, delusional or even a fantasist all you want, none of that could ever take away the research that I’ve undertaken over the past few years in order to work out myself if I was ever going crazy.

Unfortunately, many people do think that, but not me, I’m used to all of this by now. For all my time living on the streets as a young teenager, and for my combined years of homelessness as an adult, if anyone would have told me about such organised crime a few years ago – well – I just wouldn’t have been able to understand it like I do now.

Currently I’m writing this from a UK psychiatric hospital in the UK after becoming completely exhausted and declaring my suspicions that I had been put on a hitlist and although I’d been told by my mental health worker that I wouldn’t get sectioned again like I did before if I came to the hospital as an informal patient, on my first ward review I was detained under section 3 of the Mental Health act, which means that I could be here for up to six months.

Immediately I was told that I’d been suffering from delusions and when asked why I thought that I believed that I’d been placed on an underworld hitlist I’d had no more than a few minutes to try and explain what had been years of researching from my own experiences of how groups of people carry on living as if with clean hands after carrying out underworld murders.

Despite being in newspaper articles everyday that people are being kidnapped, tortured and murdered for one reason or another, few want to believe it when a person actually thinks that it’s happening. They read the reports from journalists and perhaps conjure up an image of a man being taken from the side of the road and thrown into a van as if from you’re typical underworld gangster movie. But what about when these sorts of things are happening in apartment blocks?

Can those people that someone is trying to explain this to even contemplate the finer details that a target may have noticed? The 3am doorhandle attempts? The overheard phone calls or even the overheard stress and paranoia from their own assassins? The campaigns that are designed so that a target sounds so crazy beforehand that nobody is going to believe them after it? The truth is, many people seem completely blind to it all, consultant psychiatrists included.

For anyone thinking that I’ve listed all of the signs that point to somebody having being placed on a hitlist, I really haven’t, it’s taken me years to figure it out, and that’s not even mentioning the hacking and the noticing of expected patterns and ‘coincidences’ that appear when a target feels that they’re in the thick of it. It’s just too easy for a person that knows very little about a person’s experience to simply label them as delusional. Eventually, the whole system gets weaponised against them and any investigation of it from anybody simply gets swept under the rug.

When people say that the system and the world are corrupt, perhaps its experiences such as this where people are constantly failed and pushed further into despair from authorities that really put that perception into concrete. And considering the nature of what I’m writing, maybe that’s the perfect phrase to use.

Have the people that are quick to make these sorts of decisions ever accepted that some of them have never had to take such a course in these types of crimes. Lucky them I suppose, but perhaps the documentaries made on scandals exposed by things like Operation Tiberius and Operation Countryman count for nothing when those who might be in similar scandals not only simply hardly ever get believed, but have their freedoms and liberties taken away like I have whilst being diagnosed as a paranoid Schizophrenic.

“But why on earth you?” Some people say, as if they’ve lived a life and I haven’t or something. Half of them don’t know my story anyway even when they think that they do. I’m pretty sure that I knew who I saw at Bromsgrove station that time I headed to Reading where it soon became obvious to me exactly what was happening.

I don’t need to list exactly who’s responsible, but let’s just say that there indeed are nasty people out there that perhaps feel I’ve put a big dent into their lives. That’s what I do, call me a naive activist all you like, but I always stood up when many people wouldn’t, didn’t, or failed to even bat an eyelid. Some of you know that too, so thanks to anyone that ever stood by me through this when so many turned their backs.

Whatever happens, I knew it was going on no matter how people try to paint me ;)